Distorted Fairytales
by SevieIsCute
Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! Has nothing to do with the Naruto plotline and the characters are totally OOC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi. SasuNaru and hints of other pairings.
1. Yellow Sand part 1

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

Chapter 1 – Snow White – Sand Yellow

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a king and queen. The king, King Yondaime and his wife, Queen Yukino were a very happy couple, but sadly, they were childless.

Everyday, the queen would say the same thing. "I wish I had a child, with lips as red as a rose, hair as black as ebony, and skin as white as snow."

Yet, something was special about that night, for a magical being was listening and decided to grant them their wish. In other words, they did the bad thing and the queen got pregnant.

The day of the birth, a demon attacked the kingdom, and the king had to go vanquish it. He left the queen to go fight, and was never seen again.

The queen was in labor for 16 hours and the whole time, was cussing at the people and king. She yelled and threatened to cut off the king's precious. Today, people still speculate that that was what made the King run away, and that the demon was a hoax.

Anyways, after, the queen was holding a tiny little baby boy with lips as pink as strawberry ice cream, hair as yellow as the sun, and skin as tan as yellow sand.

"This wasn't what I ordered, cause I was going to call her Snow White, and circumstances tell me I should name him Yellow Sand, but I like Naruto." So thus, he was named Naruto.

Now, the next in line to the throne was a vindictive bitch named Mai, who was the King's sister, and was quite obsessed with power and beauty.

But, the queen was still weak from labor and soon died. Just like that. Now Mai had been the only one to see Naruto yet, because the servants had mysteriously vanished, so she decided to dress him up like a girl, so that he couldn't take the throne from her.

Sixteen Years Later:

The Queen looked out of her window at the beautiful young girl that Naruto had become and was deathly jealous. Her plan had backfired, for now, everyone thought that Naruto was prettier then her.

She turned around and walked to her magic mirror, because today was Naruto's sixteenth birthday, the day where his beauty was to be judged against hers. Why she waited, no one knows.

"Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?" she asked.

"Male or female?" asked the bewildered Mirror.

"Female, but include Naruto."

"Why?"

"Because I said so, now do it!"

"Famed is your beauty your majesty, but hold, a lovelyCOUGH maid I see. Rags cannot hideCOUGH her gentle grace. Alas, she is more fair than thee. So there, HA!" said the Mirror.

"Who's that?"

"As if you didn't already know."

"Tell me!"

"Gosh, keep your pants on, I'm serious, always keep them on. Anyways, they have lips as pink as strawberry ice cream, hair as yellow as the sun, and skin as tan as yellow sand."

"Huh?"

"For the love of all things holy! It's Naruto!"

"Ah, so now I must kill him."

"I must remind you, you didn't include other boys, and so, there just might be a whole lot better then you."

"Quiet, I must get rid of all female competition."

"Reminder: Naruto is a boy, and I never said you were second prettiest."

Click, the Queen turned off the digital mirror.

Outside:

Prince Sasuke was riding along on his horse, all alone, for some reason, suddenly heard a voice.

He had nothing better to do, so he easily climbed the wall and immediately saw a blonde girl running around the courtyard.

"Hahaha Fuckers! You'll never catch me!" yelled the girl as she ran by and was followed my many chefs.

Sasuke sweat dropped, and would have fallen if he wasn't Prince Sasuke.

He saw the girl run by again, and this time, she was hiding behind the bushes that Sasuke was above.

"Dobe."

"What the hell?" the girl said as she looked up. "Who the hell are you?"

"None of your business baka."

"Why you…." Said the girl, then leaped up and tackled him so that they both fell on the other side of the wall.

Now the two were rolling around and wrestling on the other side of the wall. Punches and kicks flying everywhere until a voice from far away called out, "NARUTO! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE." And for some reason, the girl obeyed, but before she left, she hissed, "This isn't over yet!" Sasuke, on instinct, pulled Naruto back for a short kiss.

Naruto was very shocked to say the least, he didn't know what to say, so he turned around and left.

Sasuke was still sitting on the floor as he smirked that sexy smirk up at Naruto as he left and yelled "My names Sasuke by the way!"

'A boy huh, that makes it much better.' He thought. He knew Naruto was a boy because the horny bastard had groped a feel when they were wrestling. He got back on his horse and rode away, knowing that he would see this Naruto again.

Swap to Queen:

"Take hi…her, out into the forest where h…she can pick flowers or terrorize animals, same thing, and then, kill hi…her." Said the Queen to her guard.

"Gladly your majesty, we can finally get rid of that miniature beast."

"Don't fail me Mizuki."

"Of course not, would you like some proof of the murder?"

"No need, I can watch it after you return on my digital television/mirror."

"Ok, I'll take my leave."

Right outside the forest:

"So, what the hell are we supposed to be doing here?" asked Naruto.

"Picking flowers?"

"…"

"Talking to cute animals?"

"…"

"Terrorizing the wildlife?"

"Now that's what I'm talking about." Naruto said and turned around.

Mizuki took out a dagger and was about to plunge it into Naruto's back, when Naruto turned around.

"But why did you have to take me?"

"Cause it's your birthday?"

"Oh" Naruto said and turned back around. Mizuki pulled out the knife again, but Naruto turned around and he had to hide it. Now this happened a lot of times, so Mizuki was annoyed and decided to tackle Naruto, pin him down, and have his way, I mean, kill him.

Mizuki did this, but once he was on Naruto, Naruto yelled out "PERVERT!" and proceeded to kick the shit out of Mizuki.

Naruto didn't even know about the attempted murder until a little fox named Kyuubi told him right after. Naruto didn't know why he could understand the kit, but he didn't question.

Naruto decided to run away, so the kit led him deep into the forest, until they got to a cottage.

"That looks like a good place to get some shut eye and grub!" The fox gave a snort, but Naruto didn't pay any attention to it.

After busting the door open, Naruto could see a very clean living room with seven chairs around a table and seven beds.

"Gosh, they must be poor to have to share this shack with so many people."

Naruto didn't find any food, but he was tired so he went over to the beds.

He noticed little names carved into the wood.

"Lust, Wrath, Pride, Sloth, Envy, Gluttony, and Greed… what kind of names are those?"

Now, Naruto didn't care about who lived there, so he pushed the beds together and took a nap under the watchful eyes of the kit.

Outside the House:

Seven figures silently moved into the house. The light was on, so they knew someone was in the house.

They moved towards the source of noise, to see a girl snoring away on their beds.

Lust, or Kakashi as he liked to be called, looked hungrily at the girl, if you didn't know; you would've thought he was gluttony.

"Kakashi, no! Get your head out of the gutter!" yelled Wrath, better known as Iruka.

"But she's all in my bed and everything." Whined Kakashi.

"No is no."

"Then lucky she isn't a boy, then I'd go crazy." He said as he winked at Iruka who blushed.

"Why isn't she in my bed?" Said Envy, or Gaara.

"Forget it, just wake her up so we can make her pay for room and board." Said Greed, AKA Kiba.

"Wake her up so I can sleep." Said Sloth, AKA Shikamaru.

"Maybe she can cook!" said Gluttony, known as Chouji.

"I'll do it, fate has commanded that I do." Said Pride, or Neji.

When he tapped the girl on the shoulder, the loud snoring stopped and she shot up, hitting Neji on the chin.

Neji, his pride damaged, moved to the back of the group silently.

"What the hell? I was dreaming of ramen!" shrilled the girl.

"Who the hell are you!" screamed Iruka back, "I mean, who are you?" asked Iruka, more polite.

"My name's Naruto. I take it you live here."

"Yes, now get out of my bed so I can sleep." Yawned the pineapple haired boy.

'I wish I could sleep' thought Gaara.

"Ok, can I please crash here for a couple nights?" pleaded Naruto, in full pout and puppy dog eyed mode.

"I'm sorry, young girl, but we don't have any space and it wouldn't be proper for a girl to stay with us." Said Iruka.

The others, not caring anymore, moved to their own beds and went to sleep.

"Why? I don't need much, just a place to sleep and some food to eat." Pleaded Naruto. "Come on, you wouldn't push a girl into the forest on a dark and cold night like this. Would you?"

"I guess not, I just don't know where you can sleep."

"She can sleep in my bed!" yelled Kakashi.

"Baka!" yelled Iruka as he brought his fist down on Kakashi's head, proceeding to knock him out. His eyes flashed with anger and was that jealousy?

Then, Iruka pointed out the members of the makeshift family to Naruto, and then proceeded to tie Kakashi up.

After Iruka was done tying Kakashi up, he offered Kakashi's bed to Naruto who accepted and immediately fell back asleep.

Iruka was bewildered about this, she slept faster then Shikamaru! A cough brought him out of his thoughts.

"Oooo… I didn't know you were into bondage Iruka-chan!" said Kakashi from the floor.

A blush swept across Iruka's face. "Shut up, I did it so you wouldn't molest her in her sleep!"

"You know I'd only do that to you." Said Kakashi as he smirked behind his mask.

"Shut up, I'll let you sleep in my bed," said Iruka as Kakashi cheered in his head, "But, you'll still have to be tied up." Kakashi's face fell, that is, if you could see it.

Soon, everyone was in their respective beds and loud snoring shook the entire forest.

Next morning:

Naruto woke up to the smell of breakfast in the air, sleepily, he got out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen where everyone except Shikamaru was.

"Morning Naruto, go clean up in the bathroom over there," said Iruka, pointing with one hand while the other held a huge bowl of pancake batter.

Naruto, still being drowsy, walking into the miraculous bathroom with plumbing in the middle of the forest, and started to strip.

As said before, Naruto was drowsy, so he forgot to lock the door, and Kakashi, being as he was, had to slip past Iruka and peak into the bathroom.

Right when Kakashi's head was in the door, Naruto turned around.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" was heard throughout the village as the inhabitants of the house all rushed over to the source to see what the problem was.

When they got their, they Naruto in a towel behind the shower curtain, and Kakashi in a pool of blood.

Iruka bent down to look, and confirmed that the blood did originate from Kakashi's nose.

They all then remembered that they were in a bathroom with a naked girl, so they all politely bowed their heads and left the room, dragging an unconscious Kakashi with them.

In the Kitchen:

As soon as they were away from the bathroom, Iruka got into one of his moods and started to slap Kakashi to cough wake him up.

After a couple a slaps and punches, Kakashi started to stir.

They all waited for him to be fully awake so he could fully feel them beating him up.

"She's a he" where the first words out of his mouth.

Curious, the group leaned closer and didn't start pounding him.

"What?" said Kiba.

"Naruto is a he, Naruto's a boy, and very fine boy indeed." A still semi-delirious Kakashi said.

Having got their answer, the group went to pound Kakashi.

Later, when Naruto had come out, they got the explanation from him. Turns out, Naruto didn't know the difference between a boy and a girl, but no one knew how or wanted to further educate him on what a girl looked like underneath the clothes.

This new revelation got Naruto thinking, and he thought hard until a very tough question popped up.

"So, I'm a boy, who do I love?"

"Boys of course!" shouted Kakashi as he was pounded on the head by Iruka.

"Naruto, you can love whoever you like." Said Iruka kindly, very different then how he was with Kakashi.

Naruto looked a bit troubled, and Gaara, being envious of whatever was on Naruto's mind, asked "Naruto, have you found someone?"

Naruto looked a little sheepish, but still answered. "Well, kind of, his name is Sasuke, and he's a bit of a bastard, but well…" Naruto started to blush. "He kissed me."

Iruka couldn't keep Kakashi quiet anymore, and he said, "Aww… was that Naru-Chan's first kiss?"

Naruto's blush told all.

Iruka, having enough, dragged Kakashi to the bedroom, and soon, Shikamaru came out, warning everyone about going in there.

With all the excitement over, they went to eat, just to find out that Chouji had eaten everything even if it wasn't cooked yet.

Not wanting to disturb Iruka, the rest of them settled for instant ramen, though Naruto had no problem with that. Over breakfast, she told the rest of them his story.

Soon, Iruka and Kakashi came out, looking much more disheveled then when they went in and only Naruto didn't know what had happened in there for Naruto was too innocent, only knowing to yell when something bad that you don't like happens.

Iruka declared that they were to head to work, and warned Naruto about the Queen, because for some reason, he heard the whole story.

Naruto waved goodbye alongside his fox to the guys.

"Guess it's just you and me Kyuubi." Naruto said as two identical fox grins broke out across their faces.

At the Castle:

The Queen, getting tired of waiting, had brought out here magic T.V/mirror.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, WHERE THE HELL IS MIZUKI!!!" screamed the Queen.

"Fine, quit your yapping, I was napping. Hey I rhymed, I don't do that much of the time. I guess I was a poet, and I didn't know it!" the mirror chuckled.

"Shut the hell up and tell me what I want to know!"

"Fine, don't get your knickers in a twist. Let me show you, it'll be faster that way." Said the mirror as the contents seemed to swirl.

The Queen leaned forward in her throne. She saw Mizuki saying something to Naruto, then leaning over him, from the point of view, she couldn't see much, but she saw Naruto beat up on Mizuki, talk to a fox, and take off into the woods.

"Shit, if you want something done, you do it yourself." She said as she got up and glided over to her cabinet. She opened it and started pulling whole bottles of red, blue, purple, all color liquids.

End of the First Chapter

AN: Hey Everyone! This is an experimentation fic. I just wanted to try it out. If there is enough feedback, I'll continue, if not, I'll just delete it.


	2. Yellow Sand part 2

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO ANIME-HYENA FOR BEING MY FIRST REVIEWER.

Anime-hyena: thanks for reviewing! I decided not to delete the fic for now.

TenshiKaitou: Thanks for the comments! I'm going to continue this.

Stary wing Feathers: I'm glad that you reviewed. I can see that you like Neji. Sorry, but he won't have that big of a role in this one, but maybe the next one!

Aivivi: Yes, the yaoi is on its way! I just wanted a little bit for the first chapter, as not to overwhelm.

Averaye: I love Gaara! Him as envy was inspired. I mean, Gaara doesn't have much does he? Lots of room for jealousy and envy.

Lala to the power of 2: To make a non-yaoi liker like my story is an honor!

Yuki no Teme: Thank you for deeming my fic good enough to recommend! Yes, this is the next chappie!

Yaoi lover: Good to know that you think it's good.

Blind Kunoichi: brilliant? I don't think I'll go there. I'm just a high school student trying to pass the time.

Bishiehuggler : Good that you like the humor! I've been told that I have a weird sense of humor and most people don't find the things I usually say funny.

Sylver rain: he...he wants to call security umm… I'm going to keep it. Can you lower your weapon?

fatlazikat: cheese? Anyways, thanks for reviewing.

:) : Thanks! Naruto, I always like him as dense. I always wondered why fairytales are so cliché and the people never kill the enemy before it's too late. Also, the reason Sasuke is gay will be revealed soon.

Iceheart19: Thank you, I'm updating as fast as I can.

Ookamiyasha Oujo: Here's the update! Hope it doesn't disappoint.

Gomen: Yes, FMA inspired, but those are also the 7 sins of mankind in the bible, I think? I'm not Christian.

Yuen-chan : Yes, Mai is a random OC queen. I couldn't bear to antagonize any Naruto characters, except Orochimaru, but that would've been weird.

darkshadowfox87: I updated! Happy yet?

Chapter Two: Yellow Sand part 2, the Queen Strikes Back.

Last time:

"Shit, if you want something done, you do it yourself." She said as she got up and glided over to her cabinet. She opened it and started pulling whole bottles of red, blue, purple, and all color liquids.

Now:

_Back at the Sin's House_

Naruto was having an awesome time. With the help of his new buddy Kyuubi, he set up traps all along inside and outside the house.

Whoopee cushion here, fake dog doo there, and a couple of holes outside with molasses inside. How he got these things? Movie Magic.

Naruto, now done with the traps, was bored. Dead bored. So he pulled out his magical cell phone and started dialing some numbers.

"Hello?"

"Hello, thank you for calling 1-800-CALL-MAGIC. To whom do you wish to call?"

"I want to call Sasuke"

"Ok, usually, without a last name and an address, we wouldn't know who you're talking about, but for some reason, we know! Please wait while we put you through!"

Naruto waited and listened to the cheesy music that was put through and tapped his foot impatiently.

Finally, the phone started to dial.

"Hello?"

"Sasuke?"

"Naruto?"

"Yea, want to hang out?"

"Sure."

"You know where I'm at?"

"I'm right outside your house dobe."

"WHAT? HOW DID YOU FIND ME?"

"I just knew, instinct you know, I shouldn't have known but I do know where you've been all along."

"Ummm…. I don't get it."

"Neither do I, but go with the flow and open the door for me."

"Ok, bye, I'm going to go open the door now."

Naruto hung up and went to open the door. Lo and Behold, there was Sasuke, who had miraculously missed all the traps.

"Hi Sasuke!"

"Dobe, let me in."

"Okay, and stop calling me that!" and Naruto moved out of the doorway and into the living space.

"So, why did you call me?" asked Sasuke as he surveyed the house.

"I was bored! Sasuke! Help Me! I'm bored!"

"Dobe, why didn't you cook or something, I'm not supposed to be here until the end."

"Oh well, anyways, why are you gay?"

Sasuke turned around at Naruto in disbelief.

"Do I need a reason?"

"No"

"Oh well, the story has commanded it, now, into the flashback we go."

_Flashback_

"Sasuke-sama, wait for me!"

"What the hell do you want, Sakura!"

"I love you Sasuke!"

"I hate you, you annoy me, now get the hell out of here!" screamed Sasuke as he stormed away.

"I have the perfect plan to make Sasuke love me!" squealed Sakura. A hundred feet away, Sasuke shivered.

Fast-forward 3 hours:

Now, after 3 hours of meditation and training, Sasuke had finally gotten the nasty image of the girl touching him out of his head.

He sighed and opened the door to his chamber. The darkness and the smell should have set him off, but Sasuke was still beat from training.

He clapped twice, turning the lights on and turned around to his bed.

He took one look, and had to run the hell away and try not to puke too much.

Then, he ran away from the neighboring country and was going home when he ran into Naruto.

_End of flashback_

"What did you see Sasuke?"

"You don't want to know. Trust me."

"Come on Sasuke, I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" Sasuke grinned with a lecherous smile.

"Anything." Stated the too dense Naruto, not even having a clue about the dirty thoughts that were running through Sasuke's head.

Sasuke, who was started to get too excited, suddenly remember his part of the deal, and all excitement died away.

"Deal, I guess, what I saw was Sakura, in a female domatrix suit on my bed amongst all these sexual torture devices. And the thing that made me puke, was that she was holding a riding crop and said 'Sasuke, come to Mama.' And proceeded to smack the crop on her thigh." Sasuke stated grimly, trying not to puke.

"Sexual torture devices? What are those?"

Sasuke's smile was starting to come back.

"All in due time Naruto, all in due time."

"Time? Shit! The Queen isn't supposed to come until 5. What are we going to do until five?"

Sasuke's smile grew larger, "I'm sure we'll find something to do."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand.

"Sasuke, where are we going? Sasuke?"

Sasuke took Naruto into the bedroom, and slammed to door shut with his foot.

(Dirty minded people, they were just making out!)

An hour later, Sasuke gave Naruto one last hickey, straightened up his clothes, and got out of there.

It took Naruto, who had just been introduced into the world of French kissing, longer to get together, cover up his marks, and wait for the Queen while pretending not to wait.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, a loud bout of cussing was vibrating through the forest. Naruto snickered, looked like the Queen had gotten into one of his traps.

Five minutes later, a very sticky old woman came up to the house. A million bugs were crawling over her, making her very gross looking.

"Apples for sale! Apples for sale!" chanted the old lady as soon as she got near the house.

On cue, Naruto went out and looked at the apples.

"Yes, have an apple pretty, they are very delicious."

"How do I know that?"

"How bout this, I eat half and you eat half."

"Ok, sure you can poison only my half, but I'm sure you didn't think of that."

The old lady pulled out a knife that could have easily killed Naruto had she stabbed him, and cut the apple. She took the white half and took a bite. Seeing that see was okay, Naruto grabbed the other half of the apple. As soon as he was about to take a bite, "Argh!!!!!!!!!! What am I doing! I hate apples!" screamed Naruto, and threw the apple at the women's face.

He proceeded to walk back to the house and shut the door.

"Shit!" yelled the old lady AKA the Queen, in a much undignified way.

One Hour Later:

Naruto was lying on the bed, watching Gravitation, and was squealing at the part where Yuki had Shuuchi up against a wall and was kissing him, when a delicious smell alerted him of ramen.

"RAMEN!!!" He shouted, and bounded out the door.

Coincidentally, there was a woman setting up a ramen stand right outside the house.

"One Miso Ramen Please!" yelled Naruto eagerly, his voice making the women fall anime style.

"Shit, I don't have the poison ready yet…" she mumbled.

"What?" said Naruto, not catching it.

"Nothing, coming right up." So the women served him one of the ramen bowls that was already lying around.

"Itadakimasu!" Naruto yelled, and immediately started gulping ramen down.

Halfway through the first bowl of ramen, Naruto started coughing and soon fell over in his chair.

Mai, surprised, since the poison wasn't in the ramen yet, went to check. Turns out, the stupid dobe had choked on his ramen! Regardless of the fact that it is impossible for Naruto to choke on ramen, he did. And the queen, not being smart, didn't stab him to be sure, but left him there for someone to find/save him. Not that she knew that.

An hour later, when the others came back from whatever they do during the day, they found Naruto's still body on the floor of the ramen stand, with ramen noodles sticking out of his mouth.

Instead of thinking to clear his airway, they assumed Naruto was dead.

At the funeral/hill, Iruka was wailing over the loss of their new friend while Kakashi, sad about the loss of such a fine specimen, was "comforting him."

For once, Gaara was not envious of anyone, especially Naruto. I mean, who would be envious of a dead person?

Kiba was a little bit sad over the cost of the glass coffin, but he was still very sad over the death of Naruto.

For once in his life, Chouji was not eating. Even he knew that eating at a funeral was disrespectful to the dead.

Neji, his pride struck from the death of the boy under their protection, promised great pain to the person who was responsible. Of course, he was sad too.

Shikamaru was not sleeping. Instead, he was lazily contemplating the chance that a certain prince would show up right… about… now!

Sasuke, on his white horse rode up the hill, and when he saw Naruto, he immediately got off and started on the trip up the hill.

Without asking the others at all, he walked right up to Naruto and the little fox sitting on his chest. The fox started babbling to Sasuke but Sasuke just shooed it off of Naruto. He leaned over Naruto, thinking about kissing him, when he saw the disgusting sight of the ramen.

Out of thin air, Sasuke produced a napkin, and used that to pull the ramen out of Naruto's mouth and started to kiss him.

Now, Sasuke, being a bit to hasty, didn't notice Naruto waking up till Naruto started responding. Happy with the result, he continued, to kiss him, but moved onto the platform and straddled Naruto at the same time. Then, the groping came.

Down the hill, some people, aka Kakashi, were getting turned on at the scene, while Iruka was getting angry and told everyone to look away. No one listened.

"Do they have to make out so long?" Chouji whined, wanting to get back to his food.

"I know, it's disgusting!" sad Kiba.

"Why doesn't anyone want to kiss me?" said Gaara.

"It's because you're scary." Shikamaru simply said.

"I'm not scary, I'll change, I wish I could change, I wish I was cute and cuddly, I wish someone loved me, I wish…" started Gaara's tirade, until Neji went over there and shut him up.

By the way, shut him up by planting a big kiss on him.

By this time, no one noticed Kakashi pulling a handcuffed and gagged Iruka away.

Neji and Gaara moved onto more, intimate, gestures.

Sasuke and Naruto were still at it; pretty soon, they were already half-naked.

Chouji had gone back to the cottage for his food.

Shikamaru and Kiba sighed simultaneously. Why did it seem like they were the only straight ones in the universe?

Suddenly, out the forest walked to girls. One had long blonde hair and was really loud, and the other had short blue hair and was very quiet.

They walked out of the clearing talking about being lonely.

Shikamaru and Kiba looked at each other and moved to follow.

No one but Chouji made it back to the cottage that night.

The next morning, a group of cold and tired people came back to the cottage at the same time.

Later:

"Bye everyone! I'll miss you!" Naruto yelled out from in front of Sasuke, making Sasuke nearly deaf.

"Bye Naruto! Come back and visit sometime!" cried Iruka, as he limped over to the horse.

"Okay Iruka, but why are you limping?"

"Nothing, just happened…" said Iruka, blushing.

"I did it!" replied Kakashi happily as Iruka looked at him with murderous eyes.

"I can't believe you Kakashi! How could you do that to Iruka! It's wrong, it's immoral, it's just not right!" screamed Naruto as everyone thought about the fact that Naruto was also gay.

"I can't believe you would trip Iruka!" sighed Naruto.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Umm… Naruto, what did you and Sasuke do yesterday?" asked a curious Gaara.

"We were kissing, and then he started to get hot, or thought I was hot or something, so he started taking my clothes off for me, but I told him I was cold, and he stopped." Said Naruto.

Everyone looked in disbelief at Sasuke who was smirking.

"Don't like damsel in distress scene." He said, simply. "But wait till I'm back home"

"Wait for what Sasuke?" asked Naruto, as the horse started to walk away.

"You'll see Naruto, you'll see…"

"Sasuke, your sword is poking me…" was heard from the distance.

Epilogue:

Mai never became the most fair. Instead, she got into a bad plastic surgery job and is now hiding away in the mountains.

The plastic surgeon was Tsunade, long time friend of Naruto's dad.

Sasuke brought Naruto back to the Uchiha Kingdom, where he announced to the world that he was going to marry Naruto. They are still awaiting the marriage day. Naruto is still pure.

All his fan girls either started stalking Itachi, or became nuns.

Sakura tried to assassinate Naruto when she heard the news. Sasuke, of course, stopped her, tied her up, and sent her to a mental institute in far far away land. Never saw her again.

Itachi, hearing the story, happily left the kingdom to "hang out" with Kakashi and Iruka.

More nuns.

King and Queen Uchiha, though very sad about their now heirless kingdom, cheered up when they met the little fox. They loved him so much, they adopted the fox, and the Uchiha kingdom after Sasuke's time was to be run by the talking race of foxes.

Kakashi and Iruka live happily ever after, with daily visits from Itachi, they argue and have make up activities.

Neji and Gaara learned to live around their pride and envy. They are pretty happy right now. Except their fights over who tops. Gaara is always jealous of Neji and Neji is too proud to be bottom.

Chouji had his food, met a similar girl with food. They shared food and love.

Shikamaru followed that girl, Ino, and decided she was too troublesome so went home. She obviously liked something in him and decided he wasn't too troublesome, so she followed him and they're expecting their first kid soon.

Kiba finally got the girl, Hinata, to talk to him, and that was only after telling her that he liked her. His loudness cancelled her quietness, making them a perfect couple.

From up wherever, Yondaime and Yukino looked down on the people.

"Cute couple huh?" said Yondaime.

"Okay, you're forgiven, I won't castrate you then."

"Good… that's a relief." He said, smiled, and took his wife in his arms.

THE END!

* * *

Finally done with the Snow White parody. Need to think of another fairytale to do next, how about the princess and the pea? 


	3. Prince and the Prince?

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

Thanks reviewers!

Chapter Three: The Princess and the Pea

Once upon a time, a King and Queen had passed away, leaving the kingdom to their two sons, Itachi and Sasuke.

Itachi made a pretty good ruler, except sometimes when he would get a little crazy, but that's a different story.

Sasuke was sitting in his room, thinking. Sasuke was not one to show emotions, but he was starting to get desperately lonely. He longer for a fu- good buddy to help him with his "problems."

Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem, with him so handsome and all, but he wasn't interested in that many fan girls and some fan boys, that waited outside the castle for him. You see, Sasuke had long ago realized that he batted for the home team, or in simpler words, he was gay. Now, Sasuke didn't want just anybody, he wanted someone special.

"I know your there, come out." Said Sasuke coldly.

"Yo!" said his Fairy Godfather.

"What do you want this time Kakashi?"

"Nothing, nothing at all, I'm your fairy godfather, and I know that someone's lonely." Said Kakashi, starting to make fun of Sasuke.

"Shut the F- up!" yelled Sasuke, getting annoyed.

"Ok, I was wrong, you're not lonely…"

"Hn" grunted Sasuke, happy that something had been able to get through to Kakashi.

"You're horny!" stated Kakashi happily, making a peace sign and grinning.

"You're dead." Said Sasuke, lunging at Kakashi.

Kakashi just flew away.

"Don't have to be so mean Sasuke-chan; I just had some good news!"

Sasuke stopped his movements towards Kakashi. "Better be…"

"Well, I heard from a friend, who heard it from his friend, who heard it from his cousin's friends' sister's best friend's uncle's grandmother, that… your true love is coming."

"My what?"

"Your true love, your destined, your fated, your lover!" smiled Kakashi.

"Are you serious?" said Sasuke.

"Yes, all you got to do for this test is…." Kakashi said and started to explain the test to Sasuke.

Now, Itachi, being the older brother and all, knew exactly what was being said, and got a devious smirk on his face.

The next day, a proclamation from the king was given out. _All ye who come to the castle will have opportunity to marry Prince Sasuke._

Needless to say, thousands flocked to the castle and Sasuke used different methods to test them. Mostly, he drove everyone away, but he kept the cute blond boys more often to test.

After several months of looking, Sasuke was fed up. He was tired of people talking to him, he was tired of people molesting him, and he was tired of it all. Thus, he moved into a small summer castle that his parents had left for him, that no one knew about.

Just his luck, the first day he was there, a storm started, and he was trapped with Itachi, who saw him there, Kakashi, and some servants. Tired, Sasuke just sat down in a corridor, brooding.

Suddenly, Sasuke was surprised when he heard a knock at the door. He ignored it, thinking it was only the storm hitting his door. Then, he started hearing really loud cussing, and he knew that wasn't the storm, so he opened the door.

The person had been leaning against the door when Sasuke opened it, so it resulted in this person falling towards Sasuke.

Sasuke's first instinct was to move and let this person hit the ground, but being a gentleman; he stayed and tried to catch the person.

Bam! The person flew into Sasuke and they both tumbled onto the ground. This wouldn't have been so bad, if the person's face had not fallen into Sasuke's lap. Sasuke, scared of his bodies' reaction, immediately pushed that person off him.

"Oww…. Why did you do that!" yelled to person, and Sasuke finally had a good look at the person. It was a short and very cute blond boy. Sasuke wanted him.

"My, my, what do we have here?" asked a voice, and the two on the ground twisted their heads around to see Itachi.

"This isn't what it looks like" said Sasuke, immediately standing up.

"It isn't? This is not a boy lost in a storm?" said Itachi, smirking.

"Hn… "Grunted Sasuke.

"Umm… hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" said the boy as he stood up.

"Hello, I'm Uchiha Itachi, that's my brother Sasuke. It's a pleasure to meet you Naruto-kun" said Itachi, looking straight at Sasuke as he kissed Naruto's hand.

Unconsciously, Sasuke started to growl.

Itachi just smirked. "So what are you doing here Naruto-kun?"

"Well, my fairy godfather told me to come here, to find a very special person, then I could become the king!" he said, making a strange pose.

Then, Sasuke realized something. This was a set-up! The FGA (Fairy Godfather Association) plotted this on purpose! They wanted to get rid of them! The only way a Fairy Godfather can resign from a position is if their Godchild gets married. Obviously, someone wanted them gone.

Sasuke silently stood up, grabbed Naruto by the collar, and started dragging him off.

"Oi! Teme! What are you doing!" squirmed Naruto.

"Don't be so eager and rough Sasuke! They say the first time's a charm!" smirked Itachi after them.

Sasuke growled again, but succeeded in dragging Naruto to a more private area.

Sasuke leaned in close to Naruto's face. Naruto could feel his warm breath on his cold skin.

"W-what are you doing?" asked Naruto, a little flustered.

Sasuke's face came closer, and examined Naruto's ear.

"I was right; you have the mark of a Godchild."

"I told you that already!" shouted Naruto, not remembering that Sasuke's ear was right next to his mouth. Sasuke winced.

"You boys sure progress fast." Said a voice Sasuke recognized.

Sasuke swiveled around. "Kakashi! I have some questions."

"I thought so; could you give us a minute Naruto-chan?" Kakashi said to Naruto, causing Naruto to blush slightly.

"S-sure, you know where Iruka is?"

"Yes, actually, I do." He smirked. Sasuke didn't like that smirk. It was the smirk of someone who just got lai… promoted.

Kakashi pointed Naruto in the right direction, and as soon as he was gone, turned back to Sasuke, who was still staring at Naruto.

"Yes, he has a cute butt, but please, we have some business."

Sasuke, a little embarrassed at first at being caught staring, got angry at Kakashi for noticing Naruto's bottom in the first place. He started advancing on Kakashi with a menacing look on his face.

"Gosh, chill, I was only stating the facts… I mean kidding" he changed when he saw that Sasuke was very close.

Kakashi cleared his throat. He didn't know why he was so scared of Sasuke; after all, he couldn't kill him, could he?

"Anyways, I take it you know about the little set-up"

Sasuke nodded, looking angry but at the same time a little happy about the boy choice.

"Well, I guess I'll explain. The thing is, Naruto's FG, Iruka, has been my boyfriend for the past 19 years. I met him after I took the mission to take care of you. You are probably going to be my last mission. I proposed to him 3 years ago, but we couldn't get married until the contract of our missions was off. I had hoped that you could have gotten married at 16, but you stubbornly wouldn't choose anyone."

"And for good reason." Said Sasuke.

"Yes, that is true, but couldn't you have just gone with that one boy, Neji?"

"No, we only need one brooder in this family, and that's me." Said Sasuke proudly.

"Plus the fact that Neji eloped with Gaara" said Kakashi under his breath.

"What did you say?" Said Sasuke.

"Nothing, nothing at all, anyways, the only solution I could think off, was to set you up with Iruka's GC so we could both be off the hook at the same time. Excellent solution, don't you think?" Said Kakashi, smiling through his mask again.

"Well, fine, we can be married soon then."

"Not so soon, Sasuke, first, you got to prove to them that Naruto is a true prince."

"Them?"

Kakashi gestured to a corner in the room. A group of 5 people stood petrified, like a deer caught in headlight.

"Them, the royal advisors, trust me, they're always watching, until you get married that is."

"Why aren't they watching Itachi?"

"I don't know, he probably threatened them or something."

"Makes sense."

"Anyways, Naruto should come back with Iruka soon, better get the test ready Sasuke."

Right on cue, Naruto entered with a flying Iruka.

"Iruka-koi, looking good!" said Kakashi, winking.

Iruka blushed, "Not in front of the children Kakashi." He said, pointedly looking at Naruto.

"Ah my mistake, turn around Naruto while I mak-"Kakashi started, then was cut off, by Iruka's hand on his mouth, which he licked.

"What's wrong with your face Iruka?" asked Naruto.

"Nothing Naruto, we'll, we'll be back later." Iruka said, as he dragged a pleased Kakashi away.

Naruto looked questionably at Sasuke who just shrugged.

AN: HELLO ALL! I've most likely quit my other fics for an undetermined amount of time, but I still love this fic! Sorry for the short chapter, I just wanted to get it out soon. I promise the next chapter will be much better and longer. PLEASE NO FLAMES!


	4. Prince and the Prince? take 2

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

Thanks reviewers!

Chapter Three: The Princess and the Pea

Last Time:

"Nothing Naruto, we'll, we'll be back later." Iruka said, as he dragged a pleased Kakashi away.

Naruto looked questionably at Sasuke who just shrugged.

Now:

* * *

After the highly awkward scene, Naruto was whisked away by the servants to get him all dried up.

Sasuke, on the other hand, went to have a little talk with his advisors.

"Hello, Sasuke-sama."

"Good evening. I'm sure you're already aware of our guest."

"Yes, we are well aware."

"I'm sure you also know of my intentions then?"

"Yes, we are well informed. We just want to remind you that this, Naruto, has to pass the test."

"I remember. When will the test take place?" Sasuke asked, trying to figure it out so that he could help Naruto through them.

"The first will take place tomorrow."

Later That Night:

Sasuke knew that this was one test that was nearly impossible to cheat on, so all he could do was hope that Naruto would pass the test. He wasn't quite sure which test the advisors would be using either.

Sasuke started walking along the hallways distractedly. He wasn't watching, and soon bumped into a huge pile of mattresses.

"Excuse me Sasuke-sama" said the servants, as they gathered the mattresses up.

"What's this for?"

"The royal advisors want Naruto-sama to be as comfortable as possible."

Sasuke decided he'd go visit Naruto in that case.

When Sasuke got to the room, fifty mattresses made the bed so high, that it almost touched the ceiling. Naruto, was on top, and Sasuke wouldn't have seen him if he had not been shouting.

"I DON'T LIKE THIS! I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE!" Naruto shouted and jumped at the same time.

Sasuke saw the danger, and when the mattresses finally toppled, he ran and caught Naruto in his arms.

Naruto had his eyes closed and looked ready to hit the ground. Sasuke thought that Naruto was really cute that way. He was about to kiss Naruto, when Naruto's eyes shot open.

Naruto saw where he was, and lost it. "Sasuke Bastard! Let go of me!

Sasuke winced when Naruto flung his arms around and hit him in the face. Then, he let Naruto down.

"You're such a pervert!" yelled Naruto, wiping himself all over like he had cooties.

"Hn…" said Sasuke, as he walked away, not wanting to argue anymore.

"Hey, don't you walk away from me!" yelled Naruto, running after Sasuke.

Then, Naruto tripped towards Sasuke's back! Sasuke, feeling the presence falling towards him, immediately turned around and caught Naruto's arm, saving Naruto's head a sudden meeting with the floor.

Sasuke helped Naruto stand on his own feet, and started heading back to the door.

"Wait!" yelled Naruto.

Sasuke turned around, a little surprised that Naruto wanted him to stay.

"I…um…well… you see…. Thanks" stuttered Naruto, his head down and a small blush on his cheeks.

Sasuke, feeling a bit arrogant again just replied "No problem."

Suddenly, in a rush of air, Iruka and Kakashi appeared out of thin air!

"Yo" said Kakashi as Iruka went over to Naruto.

"Hn" said Sasuke, peeved at his fairy godfather for ditching him before.

"Don't be like that Sasuke, how are you ever going to get Naruto to kiss you if all you do is frown?"

Sasuke could feel his anger rising, he looked around frantically for his sword to hack Kakashi to bits. Sadly, his sword was still in his room.

"Stop that Sasuke! How are you going to get Naruto to be on bottom if you look like you don't know what you're doing?" Kakashi said, his only visible eye in a happy curve.

Screw the sword, Sasuke was going to kill Kakashi with his bare hands!

Sasuke ran at Kakashi, who dodged out of the way yelling "Toro" like those bullfighters. This only proved to make Sasuke even angrier. Then, Kakashi pulled out a red cloth and put it out in front of him. Sasuke charged, but when Kakashi flew away, Sasuke realized that he hadn't seen Naruto behind him, and was now charging straight at him.

Bam! Sasuke collided with Naruto, both landing hard on the floor.

"BASTARD! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" yelled Naruto from the floor.

"It. Was. His. Fault." Sasuke managed to say as he lifted himself off the floor and pointed at a Kakashi that was rolling on the floor laughing.

"Well, you should have been more careful!" yelled Naruto as he tried to lift himself up. When he used his left hand to push himself out, he cried out in pain and fell back to the floor.

Alarmed, Sasuke almost ran over to Naruto, but instead settled on walking over.

He bent down and gently pulled Naruto's left hand out of Naruto's death grip on it. Silently, he examined the hand and wrist carefully.

Then he heard, "what's wrong with it?" from Naruto, and finally looked up into his face.

Naruto's face was a bit contorted in pain and his cerulean blue eyes were full of tears that he didn't want to shed. All in all, Naruto looked like a kicked puppy, and it almost made Sasuke feel like a schoolgirl squealing over kittens or something of the sort.

Without saying a word to Naruto, Sasuke turned to the fairy godfathers. "Is there anything you can do about this?" he asked.

"Well, of course…" Iruka started, before getting a subtle poke in the ribs by Kakashi. "not, I'm not a healer." He finished lamely.

"Fine" said Sasuke, as he gently pulled Naruto up and toward the infirmary.

On the way over, they passed the royal advisors that looked at Naruto with a sort of predatory look and made him move unconsciously closer to Sasuke.

Once they got to the infirmary, with the doctor not having come through the storm yet, Sasuke pulled out several bandages to wrap Naruto's sprained wrist.

Still silently, Sasuke lifted Naruto's hand again and started wrapping, always being careful not to hurt Naruto.

Naruto, being uncharacteristically quiet until now, had to say something

"What's wrong with you?" he asked a little apprehensively.

"Excuse me?" asked Sasuke, incredulously, stopping in his wrapping.

"Why do you keep doing these things? First you're an asshole and I hate you, then, you go and do something and make me …" he trailed off.

"Make you what?" asked Sasuke.

"Make me… I don't know… start to actually like you." Said Naruto, then realizing his words and looking at the questioning look on Sasuke's face, panicked and added, "As a friend, of course, only as a friend!"

"So I'm only a friend huh…" said Sasuke disappointedly, mostly to himself of course. Sasuke finished wrapping Naruto's wrist, and got up and left abruptly, without saying so much as a bye to Naruto.

After Sasuke left, Naruto continued to stand there, staring at the door that Sasuke had left by. He sighed loudly, and dejectedly walked back to him room, but not after staring affectionately at the wrapping job that Sasuke had done.

Now Sasuke was feeling pretty down. Having your crush tell you that you're just a friend is really heart breaking. He went and sat in the library a bit, but when he noticed that it was very dark outside, he got up and went back to his room, only to discover that it had been invaded by Itachi himself.

Not one known for using tact, Sasuke simply said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm inviting you to tea, now sit down." Said Itachi, waving his hand at the spare seat across from himself and a tray of tea.

Not wanting to disobey a direct order from the more powerful ruler, Sasuke plopped himself down into the chair.

"Now I know it's late, but you look like you need some caffeine." Said Itachi, pouring Sasuke a cup of his favorite tea.

Sasuke, who couldn't resist a good cup of tea, picked up the cup and took a sip, not seeing Itachi's smirk.

Suddenly, a flash of lightning was seen from the window, and a scream ran through the castle.

Sasuke felt a rush of emotion once he recognized the scream as Naruto's and immediately ran out of the room to Naruto, leaving his brother smirking over his own cup of tea.

(With Kakashi and Iruka)

Kakashi and Iruka looked from a mirror at Sasuke and Naruto.

"Kashi, isn't this a little cruel?" asked Iruka, looking like he was about to bolt.

"'Ruka, I know you want to hug Naruto, but this is the only way they'll get along."

"But Naruto's terribly afraid of storms, I even had to drag him up here to get to this castle, and that was before the lightning started!"

"I know, but, it'll work, don't worry"

(Back with Sasuke)

As Sasuke rushed past all the corridors, he wondered why he cared about Naruto that much. He didn't usually like anyone, but something about that boy made him special. Was it love at first sight? Of course not, Sasuke didn't believe in that.

Sasuke burst through the door that he knew Naruto to be behind. There, on a bed with only 3 mattresses, was Naruto, who has in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, and repeating over and over Iruka's name.

It was a heartbreaking sight, even to a cold bastard like Sasuke. Sasuke walked quietly over there and tentatively put a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Naruto?" he said.

In a burst of movement, Naruto burst up and hugged Sasuke, pulling his halfway onto the bed. "Iruka, please don't leave me again!" he said, nuzzling his head into Sasuke's neck. But then, Naruto caught the different scent. "Sasuke?"

"Yes Naruto, it's me."

"What are you doing here?" Naruto said, lacking his usual forcefulness, instead, taking on the voice of a scared little boy.

"I was just seeing if you were alright, I'm going to go now." Sasuke said, as he scooted off the bed.

Just then, another flash of lightning lighted up the room and the sound of thunder roared throughout the thunder.

Naruto jumped back up and hugged Sasuke from behind.

"Please don't leave me Sasuke, please don't." he cried, hugging Sasuke's back like his life depended on it.

Sasuke sighed, "I won't Naruto, don't worry, I won't." he said, as he turned around, causing Naruto's hold on his back to lessen.

Sasuke ended up tucking Naruto into bed while sitting next to him. Stroking his hair and singing a soft lullaby, Naruto finally drifted back to sleep. Sasuke, who was now in Naruto's death grip, soon fell asleep also.

"_Sasuke, please don't." Naruto cried._

"_Don't worry Naruto; I'll make you feel good."_

"_But I've never done this before."_

"_Just relax, and stop squirming, you're making me lose my concentration."_

Sasuke groggily opened his eyes, a little pissed that his dream had ended before he had a chance to finish it.

Wait, that wasn't a pillow… it was giving off heat… Clearing his head a little, Sasuke looked over to the right, and saw Naruto, memories of last night flashing through his head.

In the night, Naruto had spooned into Sasuke, nuzzling him. That and the dream caused Sasuke to have a certain morning "problem." Thus, he immediately got up and ran back to his own room.

A few seconds after he left, Naruto blinked a little, wondering why he was suddenly cold, and fell back asleep.

In the morning, Sasuke was a little embarrassed, but went to breakfast, risking meeting Naruto again.

As he descended the long staircase, a foreign object hit his back, causing him almost to trip down the stairs.

Turns out, that was Naruto, who was happy as a bird. "Morning Sasuke!"

"Get off idiot." Said Sasuke.

"Wah? You're so mean Sasuke! Just when I thought you were a good guy!" Naruto said, pouting, though Sasuke couldn't see it.

"What? What do you mean?" said Sasuke, still embarrassed about showing his soft side the night before.

"You don't remember? You bandaged my hand yesterday! Gosh Sasuke, you're still so young to be having memory failure!"

Sasuke breathed a silent sigh of relief. It was a good thing that Naruto didn't remember anything about last night.

Sasuke decided to let Naruto be, and gave him a ride all the way down the stairs, until Naruto hopped off at the bottom, ready to go into the dining hall.

When the servants opened the doors up for the two of them, they were surprised by the sight of a courtroom style hall, instead of the breakfast that was supposed to await them.

"Sasuke, please take a seat to my left, Naruto, take the seat in the middle" Said Itachi, sitting in the seat where a judge would usually sit. The advisors sat behind Itachi, there glasses glinting off the light, hiding their eyes.

Sasuke and Naruto silently took there places, all the while shooting each other did-you-know-about-this looks.

"I hereby call this meeting to order." Said Itachi very judge-like instead of ruler-like.

"I now call the esteemed High Official Advisor to speak"

The advisor that sat on the far right got up and began stating off of a piece of paper.

"We, the Official Advisors, hereby question the alleged prince Naruto on his proof of royalty. Please stand."

Everyone was sitting there, looking confused.

The advisor cleared his throat and added. "Stand Naruto."

"Well you could've said that before" grumbled Naruto.

"Please state your full name."

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Your status"

"Prince"

"Purpose for being here."

"To find true love, even though I didn't. But I can't say this journey was a complete bust." Said Naruto, sneaking a glance at Sasuke.

"For the final question, how did you sleep last night?"

Naruto scratched his head, wondering about the weird question, while this happened, Sasuke was cursing inside his head. This stupid test again, there was no way Naruto could pass.

Naruto finally cleared his throat and said, "Well, I sleep alright I guess, except for this thing that kept poking me in the back."

The advisor looked pleased and whispered something to Itachi.

"It has been proven that Naruto is a true prince, I grant my blessing to the happy couple and now call this meeting adjourned." Itachi said.

As everyone started filing out, Naruto made his way over to Itachi and Sasuke.

"What was that all about?" asked Naruto.

"Well, last night, the servants were instructed to put a pea underneath your bed, knowing that, if you were a true prince, your skin would be sensitive enough to feel it. Turns out, you passed. Congratulations you two, I'm hoping the marriage will be soon. And Sasuke, be gentle, he's a sensitive one." Chuckled Itachi and he walked out.

Sasuke was a little red, while Naruto was still confused.

"I have to marry YOU now?"

"Well…" started Sasuke, not knowing what to say.

Suddenly, Kakashi and Iruka popped in again.

"You guys are so cute!" said Iruka, who was being held by Kakashi.

"What's going on?" asked Naruto.

"Well, the thing is Naruto, do you like Sasuke?"

"Wah? Why are you asking me that!" said Naruto, blushing a bit.

"Well, do you?"

"I like Sasuke, but I don't like like him, but… maybe… I… he's Sasuke…"

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"….yes" said Naruto, definitely blushing now, and hiding behind Iruka, too embarrassed to look Sasuke in the face.

"Stop that idiot, I like you too." Said Sasuke, pulling Naruto out from behind Iruka, hugging him and giving him a small peck on the lips.

The two jumped at the apparent chemistry that was felt between them, and were about to go in for a better taste, when a small cough distracted them.

"Well get a room why don't you?" said Kakashi, his only visible eye in a happy arc.

"Hold on, why do we feel like this?" said Sasuke.

"Well, you two are soul mates." Stated Kakashi simply.

"And you couldn't tell us that before!" yelled Naruto.

"Calm down Naruto, we would have told you, but you guys didn't believe in love at first sight, remember?" explained Iruka. "So we had to trick you guys into meeting each other with an open mind instead of the 'oh, no way I'm falling in love at first sight' mind set."

"So, you got us to get to know each other first, and develop our own feelings?" asked Sasuke, a little more talkative then usual.

"Exactly."

Now, after that, Naruto and Sasuke immediately went to attack their own fairy godfather, pissed that they had been played, and also pissed when they thought about how the plan could have backfired.

A month later, all the plans for the wedding were done. The fairy godfathers and the godchildren decided to have a double wedding, and one done as quickly as possible. One reason, being that Naruto had to stay pure until he was married, and Sasuke wasn't one for waiting.

After the wedding, and the reception, as Sasuke carried Naruto down the quiet hallway to their private rooms, Naruto suddenly said something.

"Sasuke, one thing still bothers me about all this."

"What is it Naruto?"

"You know the night of the test? I always sleep on my side, so how did it poke my back?"

Sasuke only smirked.

Epilogue:

Sasuke explained, and showed Naruto, exactly what could be poking his back.

They lived happily ever after, well, almost.

Now with Kakashi and Iruka, the morning after their wedding night, before they went back to fairy world for their honeymoon, they had a short meeting.

They walked down the dark corridor, coming to the right down and knocking.

"Come in," called a voice from within.

They pushed open the door to see a seated Itachi, sipping a cup of tea.

He motioned for them to take a seat, which they did.

"So quickly onto business, where's my cut for drugging my brother."

"We're very grateful of you for making Sasuke have emotion, so your cut will be double." Said Iruka.

"Here's a cloak from fairy world, it's made, so that whatever you wish for will come true, now we have to be going, have fun!" Said Kakashi, as he lifted Iruka up and vanished out of sight.

Itachi smirked. "I wish…"

The End!

* * *

How did you like that one all! Fill in the 'I wish' at the end with anything you want. I think I'm moving onto rumplestiltskin (sp?) next, maybe something else. I still can't figure out who I can pair Itachi with though. He kind of seems too cool and evil to be paired. Well, I'm open to all suggestions. So please… REVIEW! 


	5. Rumplestiltskein Sp?

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

Chapter Five: Rumplestiltskin (sp?)

"HEY! PUT ME DOWN!"

"Shut up Naruto, that's the last time you interrupt my quiet time with Iruka!"

"THAT'S NOT QUIET! HE'LL NEVER LET….."

Kakashi smirked, looking at the tied and gagged boy. Standing next to road, in the distance, he saw a carriage coming closer, a very expensive looking carriage.

As it passed, Kakashi yelled out "May I interest you in a gold spinning boy?"

The carriage abruptly stopped. Out stepped a pale faced man. His longish black hair blew around in the wind, framing his cruel face.

Shocked, Kakashi kneeled, and addressed him "King Orochimaru."

"You may rise, what were you saying about a gold spinning boy?" he questioned. Smiling in a way that made Kakashi feel horrible.

"It's this boy your majesty, he's my step-son, he can spin straw into gold."

"Hmmm… interesting. Why are you so struck in poverty then." Orochimaru questioned, pointing to the small barn/house that the family owned.

"Umm… we can't even afford the straw?"

"That makes sense. Guards, take this boy away," he ordered, then climbed back into the carriage. Out the window, as he rode away, he said "I'll let you know, if this story isn't true, I'll chop this boy's head off."

"WAIT!" yells Kakashi, but he's too late to save Naruto.

All Kakashi wanted was to get Naruto gone for a couple of hours, not kill him. Dejectedly, he sunk down to the ground.

Scene Change: 

"OUCH!" Naruto complained as he was thrown into the room. As the door shut behind him, all he saw around was straw and a single spinning wheel. Naruto clearly remembered Orochimaru's warning.

Sighing, he picked up a handful of straw. Sitting himself down at the spinning wheel, he tried to spin the straw. All he got for his efforts was a piece of straw in his eye. As his eyes watered up, he sat down hard on the floor, a feeling of unjust and despair filling him up. Then, he proceeded to curse loudly at the top of his lungs about his step-dad and the greedy king.

"Dobe, did you actually think you could have spun that?" asked a voice.

Naruto looked up through his watery blue eyes. He saw a boy about his age, who had black hair, and a pale complexion.

"Leave me alone you bastard!" Naruto cried out after wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

The stranger stooped down to look Naruto in the eye. "Are you crying?"

"No" Naruto said, turning his head to the side.

Suddenly, he felt the strangers hand grasp his chin and turn it back to the front. The stranger then proceeded to take out a white handkerchief and wipe his eyes. After he finished wiping Naruto's eyes, he lowered the handkerchief and their eyes met. For five seconds, they kept each other's gaze, before the stranger seemed to come to his senses and stand back up.

"Why are you making such a racket?" the stranger asked, looking to the side.

"Why! Is it bothering you?" Naruto yelled, getting defensive.

"You sound like a girl." He said, smirking at Naruto.

"WHAT? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO! THERES THIS CRAZY KING WHO'S GONNA KILL ME IF I DON'T TURN THIS SHIT INTO GOLD!" Naruto yelled as he threw a handful of straw at Sasuke.

The stranger rubbed his ears.

At the stranger's nonchalant expression and stance, Naruto lost it, and threw himself at the stranger, intending to beat him into oblivion. He was stopped however, by the stranger's strong hand.

As he glared up at the TALLER stranger's eyes, he saw the boy stoop down and a brief touch to his eyelids was the last thing he remembered.

Naruto yawned and stretched. His back aching, he arched it and felt a couple of bones crack. Feeling better, he rubbed his eyes and looked around.

Naruto shot up, shocked, first, remembering where he was, second, because all the straw was gone, and what was left, was many pieces of gold. Also, his secret ramen packet was gone!

Just then, he heard the door knob being turned. When the door was opened, he saw the king stroll in.

"Excellent", the king said, putting his fingers together. Soon enough, he ordered Naruto be given a king's breakfast, rested, and clothed in better clothing. Naruto, happy that he survived the night, only asked the king if he could go home, as they walked to the dining room.

"Sure, as soon as we're done." The king said, smiling sinisterly, which wasn't seen by Naruto, who had been distracted by the food.

After eating all the food, Naruto was led to a grand room where he was met by a single man.

"Hello, my name is Kabuto. I'm King Orochimaru's personal servant, but for today, I'll be helping you." He said, glasses glinting.

"that's alright." Naruto said, scratching his head.

"No, we'll have to get you used to, well, you'll find out."

"Umm… okay."

There, Naruto chatted pleasantly with Kabuto until nighttime, which Kabuto said it was time for him to be led to his room.

Soon enough, Naruto was being pushed into a room next to the other one. This one was also filled with straw, and it was bigger too. As the door shut behind him, he cursed his gullibility. Naruto sat down, sure that he was going to be killed this time. He lay down, and decided he might as well sleep. Which he did.

Naruto groaned, something was nudging him in the side. He blearily opened his eyes, to meet the stranger's eyes, about three inches from his. Shocked, he gasped and yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"Waking you up dobe."

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOOK MY RAMEN PACKET!" Naruto suddenly remembered.

"You had to give me something for exchange of helping you get the gold last night idiot."

"Oh, but my precious ramen!" Naruto whined, puppy dog eyes turned on the stranger.

The stranger sighed. "If you get out, I'll treat you to ramen."

Naruto hurled himself at the stranger, not only shocking him, but pushing him over into the straw. Naruto then hugged him, crying, "THANK YOU!"

The stranger blushed, realizing the precarious situation the other boy's hug had landed them in.

When Naruto finally got off him, he sat up and cleared his throat. "So, do you want help with this room too?" he asked.

"YES!" cried Naruto.

"There's a slight catch though."

"What is it?"

"You have to give me something each time I help you. That's why I took the ramen."

"Well, I don't have anything else!"

"Hmm… " The stranger thought long and hard. He decided to resort to the second to last method.

"Naruto, have you had your first kiss?" he asked

"WHAT!" yelled Naruto at him.

"That probably means yes, you can give me that."

"I'M NOT GAY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME! I DON'T…."

"My name is Sasuke." He simply said, and glided forward and touched lips with Naruto.


	6. Rumplestiltskein 2

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

Chapter Six: Rumplestiltskin (sp?) Part 2

Last time:

"I'M NOT GAY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME! I DON'T…."

"My name is Sasuke." He simply said, and glided forward and touched lips with Naruto.

Now:

Naruto pouted as he sat on the hay, his back to the silent Sasuke. He refused to even acknowledge the other boy now. His precious first kiss, the one he had been saving for someone special was now gone. It didn't matter if it was the most perfect, mindblowing, passio… NO! Naruto violently shook his head, dispelling those thoughts to the amusement of Sasuke, who chuckled lightly. Naruto growled turning around to beat him up, but paused. All the straw was gone, in its place, gold.

"How do you do that?" Naruto demanded.

Sasuke smirked. "Magic"

Naruto lunged for Sasuke, but Sasuke suddenly stood. "I have to go now, take care dobe." He said, and jumped out the window.

Naruto ran to the window, to laugh at Sasuke's broken body on the ground, but he was no where in sight. Naruto sighed, situating himself down on the cold hard ground, falling into an uncomfortable sleep.

The next morning, Naruto was again greeted by the delighted king and his minions. Once again, they fed him things and he forgot all about the very similar situation the day before.

Like predicted, a couple of hours later, Naruto was being thrown into a third room full of straw again.

"I'm such an idiot." He breathed to himself as he sat down hard in the straw.

"Finally, you agree." Said a voice by the window. Naruto looked over to see a smirking Sasuke.

"What are you looking at?" he said, pouting and crossing his arms.

"You." Said Sasuke, intently looking at Naruto, who blushed. "Anyway, I'll help you tonight too if you give me something in return."

"I told you last night already, I have nothing else." Sighed Naruto.

Sasuke looked thoughtful, and then a devious smirk spread across his face. "Come here, I'll tell you what you can give me."

Naruto obediently went over to Sasuke. When Sasuke whispered his request into Naruto's ear, a full red blush spread across Naruto's face. Then, he made an angry move to push Sasuke out the window, but was stopped once again by Sasuke's hand. Sasuke leaned in, and breathed "you have no choice," into Naruto's ear.

When Sasuke let go of his hand, Naruto backed up, and sat down hard, contemplating.

"It's either you accept or you die dobe, I have nothing else to say. I'll be back later, if I come back, and you're asleep, then I know you've accepted." Then, Sasuke jumped out the window.

Naruto knew he had no choice but to accept Sasuke's demands. He blushed as he thought about the implications. Then, he lay down and tried to go to sleep. Soon enough, a greenish mist wafted through the room, knocking him out.

The next morning, Naruto woke up, to see that the room was once again filled to the brim with gold.

He did not even have enough time to sigh, before the door burst open and King Orochimaru walked in.

"It seems that you have succeeded again Naruto, now, you can take your place by my side."

"Huh?"

"As my queen."

"WHAT?" asked Naruto, but Orochimaru had already walked away. Only Kabuto was left.

"Didn't I tell you this news?" said Kabuto, pushing up his glasses.

"WHAT?"

"O, it must have slipped my mind. You would've been better off if you had failed… some people (himself) are very angry that you have attained King Orochimaru's attention."

"Uh…"

"Come with, me, we have to get you ready for the wedding."

"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY THAT CREEPY BASTARD!"

"I'm afraid you have no choice. Have fun!" smirked Kabuto, as he let some chamber maids drag Naruto off in the direction of the baths.

Naruto was stripped down, washed, and thrown into the small pool to "relax." When the maids left, Naruto was left cursing every thing from Kakashi to Sasuke, who should've just left him die.

"If you died, I wouldn't get my prize would I?" came a voice through the mist of the hot spring.

Naruto knew it was Sasuke, he lunged himself at Sasuke, reaching for his throat. His hands connected, he grasped Sasuke's throat as he yelled, "Sasuke Bastard! If I died, I wouldn't have to marry that stupid bastard!" he ranted, not really squeezing Sasuke's throat.

"Before you marry him, I have to receive payment, don't I?" calmly stated Sasuke as he brought his hands up to encircle Naruto, who was practically sitting on his lap.

Naruto's hands lost their grip, as Sasuke pulled Naruto closer, grinding their ahem parts together.

Naruto gasped in pleasure, and started going limp in Sasuke's arms. Sasuke was about to do something more, until an ever present annoying voice jumped in.

"Hey guys, this is a fairy tale, not a trashy romance, keep it clean!" yelled the narrator.

Sasuke's _posture_ stiffened at this, as he reluctantly let go of Naruto.

"You can't marry Orochimaru; he's not right for you." Sasuke started saying mechanically, as if he were reading a script.

"But he's a king; he can take care of me." Said Naruto, equally as unenthusiastic as he moved away to sit across from Sasuke.

"He's just marrying you because you can keep him rich forever!" emphasized Sasuke.

"He might be a creepy son-of-a-… doughnut, but he IS the king. I can't refuse." Said Naruto as he got out of the hot spring, granting Sasuke a pretty fine view.

For Naruto, after not saying good-bye to Sasuke, he remembered nothing. He didn't even remember having the wedding ceremony. He didn't even remember the look of the priest. When he finally came to consciousness, Orochimaru was carrying him and placing him on the bed.

Naruto panicked. "I changed my mind, I don't want to marry you, you can kill me!"

"It's too late for that Naruto-chan" grinned Orochimaru.

Naruto shuddered at his grin, and started backing up on the bed, as Orochimaru came closer and closer. Just as he had cornered Naruto between the headboard and himself, the door flung open.

"Don't touch him!" yelled a voice.

Angrily, Orochimaru swiveled around as Naruto looked tearfully at his rescuer. Of course it was Sasuke.

"And why not Rumplestiltskin?"

"Because he is promised to me, a magically binding contract!"

"Curses you little warlock…" then, Orochimaru's grin came back "but it is stated in the rules that you have to allow me to attempt to win Naruto back. So name your task."

Sasuke looked ready. "Guess my name."

"What? Rumplestiltskin?"

"Of course not you twit, that's they name you gave me, and a horrid name it is. You have two more tries."

"Damnit, Kabuto come here!" yelled Orochimaru, and Kabuto appeared from behind the curtains. Naruto looked freaked out that that dude almost watched him get raped.

"Yes my king?"

"What is his name?"

"Well, my king, we know that he has the Sharingan, so he must be either Itachi or Sasuke."

"Doesn't that work well for me? Two names, two guesses… perfect. I guess you are Itachi."

Sasuke clenched his fists angrily. "Never would I have that cowardly and pathetic name."

"Fine, your name is Sasuke."

Sasuke hung his head in shame.

Orochimaru did a very uncharacteristic whoop, and turned back towards his new bride.

When the entire room turned around to find Naruto, they saw him immersed in a two foot by 2 foot book, about 6 inches thick.

"Aha!" said Naruto. "Sasuke wins! The rules say that you were to say Sasuke's full name, since you did not, you lose." After exclaiming this, Naruto went over to Sasuke.

Sputtering, Orochimaru chocked out "but, the rules, say, the bride, always comes back to the groom!"

"That's where you're wrong again Orochimaru, the priest did the normal ritual, man and women. Do you see a woman anywhere?" smirked Sasuke.

Orochimaru was speechless as Sasuke and Naruto ran out the door. He was soon joined on the bed by Kabuto.

When the boys stopped running, about two miles away from the castle, halfway from there and Naruto's house, Naruto looked at Sasuke.

"Why did you come save me?"

"I like you dobe, plus, you owe me my prize."

"I love you too you bastard" Naruto smiled, as he reached out to hold Sasuke's hand.

"By the way Sasuke, how the heck did you help me in there, with the gold?"

"I stole that gold from Orochimaru's treasury, I got to the room by wall-walking you idiot."

"WHAT? WHY DID YOU MAKE ME GIVE YOU STUFF AND GO TO SLEEP?"

"I don't like people watching me work, and I don't like working without getting paid. It was hard bringing the gold down."

"How could you get all that gold from his chambers?"

"I took the gold from the first room and put it in the second room and then the third room. It was the same gold each time."

"Wow Sasuke, you're so smart!" said Naruto, as he clapped him on the back.

"That's not the only thing I'm good at." Said Sasuke, as he pulled Naruto to the nearest clearing or inn, to their happy ever after.

Epilogue

A couple of hours later, the boys made it back to Naruto's home.

Iruka was overjoyed to see that Naruto was okay. He personally thanked Sasuke with saving Naruto, by marrying Naruto to him.

When asked where Kakashi was, Iruka said that he would be back soon, as he was being punished.

Kakashi was wandering around, aimlessly, seeming to have to soul. Only remembering Iruka's words. "No sex for a year!"


	7. Lil Orange Riding Hood

Distorted Fairytales

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

Chapter Seven: Little Orange Riding Hood

Little Orange Riding Hood was huffing and puffing along the trail that was becoming increasingly family. Perhaps he'd rather be called Naruto.

Naruto sighed as he recalled the fight his father and boyfriend had.

FLASHBACK:

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALMOST SOLD NARUTO TO A SLAVE DEALER"

"GET OUT OF HERE YOU MISERABLE BUM!"

END OF FLASHBACK

His ears hurt just from remembering. All in all, his dad's perverted boyfriend got kicked out of the house and was now living in a shack in the woods, the bum.

Unfortunately for Naruto, Iruka was still madly in love with Kakashi, but wouldn't speak with him, so Naruto was left as the messenger.

"Why can't they just use a telephone already!" yelled Naruto at the treetops. More that that, he was stuck wearing a ridiculous orange GIRL'S hood. Even though orange was his favorite color, Iruka made him wear this so he wouldn't get lost in the woods.

After a short time down the path, Naruto stopped walking and started to take the hood off, but it would just not come off! He tried and tried but the clasp on hood would not come off! Struggling a little too hard, Naruto tripped on the bottom of the hood, and fell flat on his butt.

" I didn't think you were going to be dumb enough to fall over" laughed a voice from above.

Pouting slightly and a little angry, Naruto scanned the treetops, looking for the source of the voice. He found a boy, a little older than him with dark hair and dark eyes.

"Shut up you bastard! Why are you spying on me from a tree anyways!"

"Idiot, I was here first."

In Naruto's struggles to stand, the hood fell off his head, and Sasuke saw Naruto's face.

Sasuke's mischievous smirk suddenly turned lecherous. Naruto wondered why the jerk's face was grinning so weirdly.

"Let me help you take that hood off." Sasuke said, jumping from the tree.

Naruto was weary, for Iruka had taught him well about strangers.

"My dad told me not to trust, or talk to strangers."

"We don't have to do much talking" Sasuke said, approaching Naruto.

"You look like Kakashi does when Iruka picks something up off the ground." Naruto said, innocently stating but not realizing just how close he was.

"Hey, you're not half bad. I would love to eat you up" Sasuke said, grinning.

As Sasuke started to get closer to him, Naruto panicked and ran away.

Sasuke smirked "I will get you my precious" because there was only one place to go on that path, and only one Kakashi.

Flip to Kakashi:

Kakashi sat in his chair, bemoaning about his… aching problem.

That is, the incessant knocking on the door.

"Go away Sasuke" he moaned pitifully at the door. "I'm not in the mood for this"

Thank goodness that the knocking had stopped, until he heard a voice.

"So Iruka put you off sex again? Serves you right, for trying to get rid of his beloved son"

"That brat keeps interrupting my romance!" he cried, sinking his face into his hands.

"I have a solution." Interested, Kakashi looked back up with hope shining from his eye.

"If I take him away, he won't be there to bother you anymore."

"What's the price?" Kakashi said, suspiciously.

"Nothing, as long as Iruka's son is him" Sasuke said, pointing at a stalkerish picture of Naruto.

"That's the little monster alright. So, what do I need to do?" Kakashi said, before both men smirked evilly at each other.

Naruto never knew what hit him.

Back with Naruto, he had just stopped to take a short ramen break (question on where he got this, fairytale magic).

Finally, after walking a bit more, he found himself at Kakashi's broken down shack.

Sighing, he didn't bother to knock and just kicked at the door. Surprisingly, when he walked in, he didn't see Kakashi reading that orange book, but rather saw him lying in bed.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm sick" said a voice, not similar to Kakashi's at all.

"You must be really sick, cause you don't sound the same at all!" Naruto exclaimed, while Sasuke sweat-dropped at the dumbness of his target.

"Right. Now why don't you come over here Naruto" called the voice.

"Sure!" Naruto said as he climbed on the bed and sat next to "Kakashi". "You'll never guess the weirdo I ran into in the forest. I think he was a wolf in disguise! He said he wanted to eat me!"

Involuntarily, Sasuke snorted, causing Naruto to look at his face.

"Hey, you look different somehow" Naruto said as he started crawling on the bed towards Sasuke.

"Your hair, it's darker!"

"All the better to hide in the night" replied Sasuke, getting a little flustered at the approaching Naruto.

Since our good Sasuke was trying to keep things slow, he willed Naruto to come closer and other parts to stay down at the same time.

"Your face is thinner"

"All the better at certain talents." Naruto looked confused, but continued his questioning. At this point, he was on all fours, directly on top of Sasuke, looking him in the eye, but not touching him.

"Your eyes are darker too!"

"All the better to see your face" Sasuke replied.

"You're… you're not Kakashi!" Naruto yelled in alarm, pulling the face mask off.

The first thing he saw, was Sasuke's smirking face, before his position was reversed and Sasuke was on top.

Panicked, Naruto frantically looked for a way out at which Sasuke grinned.

"Don't worry Naruto, I'm not going to eat you, but I am going to taste you." And with that, Sasuke lowered his lips onto Naruto. At first, Naruto struggled, for this was his precious first kiss, but then, he stopped. It was nice to finally be appreciated like this. All too soon, the kiss ended and Naruto looked up at Sasuke dazed.

"Anything to say now?" Sasuke said, looking down at Naruto lovingly.

"Do it again…." He said breathlessly, and Sasuke was obliged to act.

After leaving Naruto's lips that tasted like ramen again, Sasuke slowly kissed down Naruto's jawline and neck, before finally divesting Naruto of that awful orange hood. Continuing his way down to music of Naruto's moans, he was just about to divest Naruto of something else, before the door was forcibly kicked in.

In marched a furious Iruka, dragging a pained Kakashi in by the ear.

Seeing his son, looking like he was going to cry, underneath Sasuke was the last straw.

"HOW DARE YOU MOLEST MY SON!"

Iruka screamed incoherently, at a scared Sasuke, who jumped out the window. Iruka immediately ran out the door and started chasing, but not before a smirking Sasuke said to Naruto "until next time".

"NEXT TIME MY ASS! WHEN I CATCH YOU YOU'LL BE WISHING YOU WERE BORN A GIRL!" Iruka shouted, having produced a huge club.

Kakashi looked at all this, and just laughed. A huge mistake with a mad Iruka on the run.

"AND YOU MISTER, YOU ALMOST LET NARUTO'S VIRGINITY GET TAKEN! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

and Kakashi joined Sasuke in the game of "run from Iruka before he kills you".

Naruto sat up from the bed, a little miffed at having his status shouted out to the world, but blushed again when he touched his lips


	8. The Uzumaki's New Clothes

By SevieIsCute

Summary: A Naruto inspired creative and totally perverted look at famous fairytales! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Yaoi.

Warnings: Crude Language, Adult Situations, Total Chaos

AN: I'm sorry for the long delay between chapters. Life happens and I can't give any valid excuses. Also, this chapter, I think I've been reading too many romance novels and they've been affecting me. Just a little something to prove I'm not dead.

**Chapter Eight: The Uzumaki's New Clothes**

Once upon a time, Team, 10, 8, and Guy were having a weekly ritual reunion with the exception of team 7 who were on a mission.

As with all conflicts and plots, they amazingly started on a game of Truth of Dare. After some inane dares done by some of them, the most important dare was given of all. Ino dared Kiba to hold a hanger out and attempt to sell the "clothes" to people. Of course, looking like an idiot was something that never scared Kiba, so he eagerly accepted. To make sure he carried out the dare, Shino sent bugs out to watch him.

After embarrassing himself to several people, Kiba happened to run into Naruto, fresh from his mission.

"Oi, Naruto, you back from the mission already?"

"Of course dog breath, that was so easy I almost feel asleep!" Naruto boasted, giving his thumbs up.

Looking at Naruto's dirty clothes and worn out look, and idea came to Kiba and he started smirking.

"Hey Naruto, since you're my friend. I'll let you in on a secret."

Naruto, always eager to hear the latest gossip, came closer to his friend.

"You see this here," he said, gesturing to the hanger, "this is a rare and expensive outfit that I won in a bet. It tells you who is a valuable ninja and who isn't! If you can't see it, you are worthless and weak!"

Naruto's eyes went wide. He couldn't see the outfit at all! There was no way he could be worthless.

"Isn't it beautiful? Too bad its orange and I could never wear it. Isn't it beautiful?"

Not wanting to look like weak, Naruto nodded emphatically. "It's swell Kiba!"

"Hey Naruto, since you wear so much orange, do you want it?"

"Sure Kiba, it really suits me better than you doesn't it! Give it to me!"

"I'll give it to you for 1000 yen!" Kiba said smirking, amazed at Naruto's intelligence.

"Here, now give me the outfit!" said Naruto, giving the money to Kiba. Kiba really was smiling now.

"It really does suit you doesn't it Naruto."

"You better believe it!"

"Well I got to go, I'll see you later"

And with that, Kiba walked away laughing the whole time. When he got back to the others, they all shared a laugh about Naruto's naivety. They figured he would figure it out soon and then attack Kiba for his ramen money back.

Soon, weeks had passed and everyone forgot about the incident.

"Crap!" yelled Naruto, as he looked through his closet for anything he could wear to training today. His spar with Sasuke yesterday had gotten rough and Sasuke had all but ripped his shirt in half. Sometimes he wondered if Sasuke was just super aggressive towards him. Sighing at thinking about how much Sasuke must dislike him, he quickly remembered his task.

Searching futilely, at the back of the closet, he ran into the outfit he had bought off Kiba. Still after weeks of training, he still hadn't been able to see it. Disgusted with his progress, he figured it couldn't hurt to wear it today. After all, it WAS orange.

Hastily, he put on the outfit, he swore that he could feel the material now, and ran into the kitchen to devour his ramen cup.

Just as he was about to rush out the door, he heard a knock.

He shuffled over to the door tying his forehead protector on at the same time and opened it to reveal a stoic Sasuke.

"Dobe, you're la…" was all Sasuke got out before he was assaulted with the sight of Naruto's barely clad body. His eyes widened and his breathing quickened.

"Dobe, what are you wearing?" He asked, his voice surprisingly calm.

"My new outfit, isn't it amazing? You can only see it if you are a great ninja!" said Naruto, boasting and posing in his "outfit". "Sasuke, your nose is bleeding!" he said, shifting over the Sasuke and squinting at him.

"Idiot! Get away from me. You're not wearing anything."

"AHA! You really are worthless and weak Sasuke! I knew I was better than you." He exclaimed, backing up and pointing his finger at Sasuke.

"Dobe. You. Are. Not. Wearing. Anything." Sasuke, spelled out slowly for his favorite idiot.

"but, if I'm not wearing anything, how come I can feel the material huh?" Naruto said, crossing his arms.

"Here, let me show you." He said, grabbing Sasuke's hand and placing it on his stomach.

Sasuke gulped wordlessly, his hand resting on Naruto's warm skin.

"It feels really sweet doesn't it? You wish you had a shirt this great!" Naruto said, smiling up at Sasuke.

At the smile, Sasuke mind suddenly cleared. Slowly a lecherous smile started creeping over his face. Slowly he moved his hand and traced Naruto's stomach.

"Stop Sasuke, it tickles." said Naruto, laughing a little bit.

"If I stop, how can I feel the fabric, because I sure can't see it," said Sasuke as he placed his other hand on Naruto as well.

Naruto, getting a little uncomfortable with the attention his rival who hated him was giving, started to inch away.

"What are you doing Naruto? I can't feel out the features of the shirt if you don't stop moving." said Sasuke into Naruto's ear.

"You're weird today Sasuke, you're going to try to steal my outfit!" shouted Naruto accusingly.

"You're such an idiot sometimes Naruto." Sasuke said, chuckling a little.

A bit ticked off, Naruto suddenly pushed Sasuke away and went to walk away. He didn't get very far, because Sasuke appeared before him, caught his wrists and brought them above and against the wall.

"My my aren't you touchy sometimes." Sasuke said.

"Well you're a jerk!" yelled Naruto, blushing and looking away from the face so close to his own.

"How am I a jerk?" asked Sasuke, amused at how cute Naruto was.

"Well. You laugh at me, insult me, invade my personal space, insult my ramen, ignore Sakura-chan, obsess over your BROTHER, and betrayed Konoha." said Naruto heavily, still facing away from Sasuke. "not to mention that you hate me." he whispered, the pain of Sasuke's betrayal showing clearly in his demeanor.

Sasuke shifted Naruto's wrists into one hand and brought the other hand down to grasp Naruto's chin. Slowly and gently, he forced Naruto to look at him.

"That's impossible dobe." Sasuke spoke slowly, looking into Naruto's disbelieving eyes.

"I can't hate you idiot," he said, smiling admonishingly "because I love you."

And with his statement finished, he swooped down to claim Naruto's lips as his own.

After kissing an unresponsive Naruto for a few seconds, Sasuke disappointingly started to pull away and explain away his words away as a joke, when Naruto suddenly started kissing back.

His heart lightened, Sasuke responded with a desperate kind of fervor, releasing Naruto's wrists to run his hands across Naruto's warm, tan skin.

Naruto in response moaned into the kiss and buried his hands in Sasuke's black hair, giving Sasuke the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

After what seemed like too short a time, the couple broke apart to regain their breath.

Naruto looked at Sasuke and blushed again, looking away from Sasuke's face.

"Umm, Sasuke, the door is still open." He stuttered, clearly embarrassed.

"I'll go close it." Said Sasuke, and as he walked away from Naruto to close the door, the lecherous smirk returned.

**Epilogue**

Needless to say, neither boy made it to training that day.

As they lay in the middle of Naruto's floor, tired from their heavy petting session, Sasuke could care less about the missed training.

He could tell that Naruto, cuddled in his arms on the floor was close to falling asleep. Kissing his new claimed boyfriend softly, he told him to go to sleep.

"Sasuke?" said a sleepy Naruto.

"Yes dobe?"

"You ripped my shirt, you owe me a new one."

"I'll fix your old one ok?"

"Ok." Said Naruto, before succumbing to sleep.

Sasuke smirked, he would "fix" Naruto's old shirt for sure. It was after all, his favorite outfit now.

As his mind drifted away, he reminded himself to send Ino a thank you note and her check.


End file.
